Monday, June 11, 2007

Living it Up

I had an interesting encounter last week. I was minding my own business, sipping fine wine in a delightful little bistro when I was a approached by a burly, obviously angry brute. It was clear from the beginning that he was a member of the "cape" community. He was wearing a cape, after all.

His eyes glowed red as he pointed at me with a flourish. "Neal Emerson!" he shouted. "You are an anomaly! So declares the Monitor!" That, of course, immediately set me off. I haven't used that name in years. In fact, I sold Emerson's soul to the demon Neron for a fine price. But despite my anger, I kept my cool.

"In what way, pray tell, am I an anomaly?" I asked coolly as I sipped my wine. Despite -- or perhaps because of -- my calm demeanor the Monitor grew agitated.

"You are supposed to be dead!" he said, obviously somewhat flustered by the whole affair. I rolled my eyes. I'd been getting that a lot lately.

"I choose not to be dead," I explained as I gestured for another bottle of whine. The Monitor regained his composure, but seemed perplexed by my statement.

"You can't choose not to be dead," he said angrily. I shrugged. I was growing wearing with the conversation. And his hairstyle.

"I can do whatever I please," I said angrily, downing the last of my wine. There wasn't time to wait for the next bottle. I needed to take care of this pest. I rose ominously into the air, surrounded by a spinning circle of sharp, metallic cutlery. "I am Doctor Polaris," I roared. "And I am your doom!"

I won't bore you with the details of our epic battle. Suffice to say, that delightful little bistro is now a delightful little crater. But I'm still alive. Because I choose to be.

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At 9:47 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

I'm on your side, my dear Doctor. Those pesky Monitors have been getting to be QUITE annoying as of late. Who died and put THEM in charge?

Sorry about the bistro, however.

At 4:13 PM, Blogger LurkerWithout said...

Dear DC:

The story of the war between Dr. Polaris and the Monitors?

I'd buy that.

Countdown where everyone and their brother knows Jason Todd is the Red Hood? Not so much...

At 4:33 PM, Blogger CalvinPitt said...

Thank you Dr. Polaris. If you have the opportunity, could you continue eliminating Monitors?

At 5:11 PM, Blogger Doctor Polaris said...

It shall be done.

At 7:53 PM, Blogger Marc Burkhardt said...

Glad to see you still have the stuff, Doc.

Once you take care of the monitors, could you take a quick trip to the Marvel Universe and tear Iron Man apart?

Pretty please?

At 9:57 PM, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

This is too confusing, I wish there was only one Monitor to keep track of.


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