Thursday, March 16, 2006

Ask Doctor Polaris #4

Welcome once again to

As always, the good doctor is here to answer your questions (no matter what they may be).

Dear Doctor Polaris,

As the Master of Magnetism and a doctor, what is your expert opinion of
those magnetic therapy bracelets you see advertised? Are they miracle cures
or worthless costume jewelry besmirching the good name of magnetism?

Captain Infinity

Dear Captain Infinity,

Though the awesome powers of magnetism cannot be denied, the bracelets that you speak of are indeed useless baubles. For one to truly harness the power of magnetism, they must be exposed to countless hours of electromagnetic radiation. Though this may cause the emergence of dangerous, evil personalities (such as myself) the rewards are well worth it. I mean, come on; you think I was born with these abs?

Doctor Polaris

Dear Doctor Polaris,

As someone who was critical in the development of the current Ray as a hero, both as enemy and ally, how do you fell about Alexander Luthor potentially endangering Ray's life by sticking him in his stupid Multiverse Machine?

And what will you do to Alex Luthor when you next see him, for sending you with those other "loser" villains to attack the Freedom Fighters, leading to your current, uh, incapacitation?


Dear CalvinPitt,

Though I'm not supposed to talk about Infinite Crisis, I wouldn't be much a villain if I didn't break the rules every once in awhile, would I?

That being said: fool! Do you really think I would care about what happens to the Ray? Yes, I think fondly of the boy. That I will not deny. He has always held great potential (unlike my insufferable nephew Damage). But this is business, my friend. When you hook up with a group like the Society, you've got to play your cards right. And certain sacrifices must be made.

As to Alex Luthor... I was betrayed! Luthor will suffer as I have suffered! I don't care if his body is illogically composed of matter and anti-matter. It is still subject to the power of magnetism. As are all things.

Doctor Polaris

Dear Doctor Polaris,

I work as a graphic designer for a Trade Medical Journal in upstate New York.

Your recent posting about Medical Care and the Elderly struck me as just the sort of thing people in my company would find entertaining, so I printed it out and posted it on the company corkboard. Right next to the water cooler.

Underneath a "Ziggy."

The article was summarily torn down within an hour. My question: Should my coworkers be crushed?


Dear James,

The pathetic fools! Give me the name of your company. Give it to me now. I will add it to my list of People and Institutions to Be Crushed. They will join such luminaries as Hal Jordan, My Pathetic Nephew, The Power Company, Alex Luthor, The Workforce Investment Office of Western Illinois, and the Human Bomb.

And Ziggy's going on there too.

Doctor Polaris

That's it for the most recent installment of Ask Doctor Polaris. As always, send your queries to And remember: the Doctor is in! Insane!



At 6:02 AM, Blogger Brian W said...

I think those bracelets come from Human Kinetics in Champaign.

At 7:58 PM, Blogger CalvinPitt said...

Let us all pray for Doctor Polaris' return in Infinite Crisis #7, so that he may defeat Alex Luthor, and put everything back to the way it was with his control over the awesome powers of magnetism.


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