Saturday, May 26, 2007

Odd Men (Apes, Aliens) Out

It may or may not surprise you to know that villains such as myself often spend our time hanging out with other villains. We socialize just as the "super-heroes" socialize. I myself attend a weekly poker game at Black Manta's place. The snacks he provides put the great chefs of our age to shame!

But I digress. The point of this post is that I noticed three villains "hanging out" in the pages of Justice League of America. It should be noted that these villains (Per Degaton, the Ultra-Humanite, and Despero) do not usually socialize with one another, let alone the "Greater Supervillain Consortium."

I could say that it's simply because those three are anti-social. Or all too often busy. But that would be a lie. We do not hang out with them because they are so damn annoying.

Take Per Degaton. Per -- despite never having accomplished anything with his time travel -- is one of the most arrogant men I've ever met. And I know a few who are just dripping with arrogance. But Per Degaton's arrogance isn't normal. He doesn't gloat or smirk. He just floats around on his stupid time disc, conveniently dropping those damn armbands everywhere. We're not going to wear them, Per.

The Ultra-Humanite, of course, unsettles most other villains. It's not because he's one of the most brillant geniuses in history, or the fact that he's -- as Guy Gardner so boorishly put it -- "sometimes a chick." Believe me, we would all prefer he take a pleasantly scented female form. Because that ape body stinks. Take a page from Grodd, the other super intelligent telepathic ape: use shampoo.

And what can I say about Despero? The man cannot let go of a grudge. It's all "the Justice League will suffer" and "I shall destroy the Justice League." Yes, we all have our nemeses. But when it comes time for a bingo night or potluck dinner we leave it at home. We're there to enjoy Black Manta's famous quiche, not listen to Despero wax on and on about the Justice League.

So I suppose it makes a certain sense that the three of them might get together. Nobody else will talk to them, after all...

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At 10:57 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

I'm sure that the snacks for their little get-togethers are probably sub-par as well. Stale popcorn and flat beer?

At 10:57 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Oh, and by the way, I've heard that Black Manta also makes one heck of a crab puff.

At 7:45 AM, Blogger LurkerWithout said...

Comics need more of this. Catty behind the scenes gossip on the world of super-villiany...

At 9:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Dear Doctor, Could you get Black Manta's recipe for quiche? I love quiche!

At 12:13 AM, Blogger Derek said...

"The snacks he provides put the great chefs of our age to shame!"

They're rice krispie treats, Doctor Polaris.

I love 'em too, but settle down. Remember your blood pressure.

At 10:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought Manta was a bit...racist.


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