Saturday, December 24, 2005

Ask Doctor Polaris #1

Well, the time is finally upon us. Hopefully the first of many, welcome to

Here, "The Man Who Mastered Magnetism" will answer your questions, no matter what they may be. Let's get started.

Dear Doctor Polaris,

I have an important social event to go to, but I'm not sure what to wear. I'm worried that normal business attire's too casual, but I don't want to be overdressed. What do you recommend?


Dear Kalinara,

Your problem is a common one. I myself have often agonized over what to wear whenever I'm going out to murder Hal Jordan. There are many ways you can go, but remember to always wear a helmet with fins. That's a fashion statement that anyone can appreciate. And I'd also recommend wearing boots (preferably ones that are at least knee-high). I hope this helps you in whatever villainous schemes you may be attempting. Just know that whatever they are, they will fail and you will still find yourself under my heel -- the heel of Doctor Polaris!

Doctor Polaris

Dear Doctor Polaris,

How badly would Vibe have kicked your ass if Vibe had not been strangled first?


Dear Scipio,

Fool! I have laid waste to armies and defeated Green Lantern on many separate occasions! I am the Master of Magnetism! I fear no "Vibe"!

That being said, it's a difficult question to answer. We can never really know, seeing as Vibe was strangled before we ever had a chance to do battle. But I do know that Steel would have been destroyed utterly. Assuming, of course, that he was actually made of steel.

Doctor Polaris

Dear Doctor Polaris,

What do you say to detractors who claim that you are little more than a weak Magneto rip-off?


Dear Anonymous,

Who are these fools? I will crush them! You don't need to be a physicist or a medical doctor (both of which I am) to see the obvious. The first appearance of Magneto was September, 1963. I, Doctor Polaris debuted in June, 1963. Even a dimwitted fool like Hal Jordan could see the obvious. My first appearance predates Magneto's by three months. So tell me: who is the "rip-off"?

Doctor Polaris

Well, that's all for this edition of Ask Doctor Polaris. As always, send your queries to Remember: the Doctor is in! Insane!



At 3:59 PM, Blogger kalinara said...

Thank you, Doctor Polaris!

At 3:57 AM, Blogger James Meeley said...

Yes, Doctor Polaris:

Why did it take you so long to realize that covering your face was a much better why to go, not only fashion wise, but also to give you better protection in battle? Wouldn't the first time you were hit in the face be enough of a clue to "cover up"? Just curious.


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