Sunday, July 23, 2006

Complications

In the wake of the San Diego Comic Con I've heard rumors that Doctor Polaris may be returning to the DCU... And that it won't be me.

That's right: I've heard that they're going to replace me. With an incredibly attractive female doctor. This leaves me completely and utterly conflicted.

Evil geniuses like myself are often incredibly narcissistic. As such, the thought of a sexy woman in my costume... Well, let's just say that I find the prospect highly exciting.

On the other hand, I am Doctor Polaris. The very thought that another could usurp my title as Master of Magnetism and relegate me to a secondary position fills me with rage.

But there might be another bright side to the entire thing. If we've learned nothing, it's that the losers who like to read comics hate change. Look how long they whined (I'm looking at you, Alex Ross!) about Hal Jordan being replaced.

Sure, they might not miss me now. But debut "Doctor Polaris II" and they'll be screaming for the return of the original. And that would be me.

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8 Comments:

At 12:35 PM, Blogger Scipio said...

Wait, didn't you actually create a female version of yourself once, through the magic of multiple personality?

Or were both of those male?

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger Mallet said...

Yeah but thats not something he likes to talk about...

 
At 12:55 AM, Blogger adoglookingup said...

who called it? huh? who called it?

You are old. You barely got killed in frame. The only reason anyone noticed was because someone mentioned it later.

 
At 4:49 AM, Blogger Doctor Polaris said...

That was Neal Emerson! I had absolutely NOTHING to do with the creation of that sexy, sexy personality.

And I'm OLD? I'm 43! And thanks to the miracles of magnetism I have the body of a 23 year-old. And not the kind that spent his college years carousing with his frat buddies doing "bong shots" or whatever it is the kids are doing these days.

In college I had time to get a medical degree, play Dungeons & Dragons with Dr. Domino, *and* have sex with many, many beautiful women.

 
At 7:55 PM, Blogger adoglookingup said...

Your constant references to your own sexual exploits I regard as pure braggadocio.

And yes 'Mr. I was here before Magneto' you are old. You are forgotten, relegated to second bannana status on a fan's blog (not that we don't appreciate your rare appearances and insouciant manner). You have aged out of the DCU, sir.

I suggest you continue your career as a pundit and perhaps consider becoming an agent for still relevant comic book villains, you know, help arrange their bookings and such. Stay close to the industry, but don't try to hang on forever. Its pathetic.

 
At 9:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps you are not being replaced, perhaps you are being given a sex-change through the power of retroactive continuity.

Would that be better or worse?

 
At 11:08 AM, Anonymous Justin Garrett Blum said...

Why bother with retroactive continuity? People get sex change operations every day.

 
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