Monday, June 25, 2007

A Golden Age

I am sorely irritated.

Recently I was enjoying one of those phenomenal sunny days that we so often are blessed with here in southern California. I was strolling down the sidewalk, minding my own business, when suddenly I was stopped cold. A troupe of those most annoying of creatures was blocking my way. Slowly blocking my way. Of what do I speak? None other than the elderly.

Oh, how I despise senior citizens. They walk slowly (when they walk at all)! They crowd our public transportation! They demand respect from those of us blessed with youth, when we are their superiors in every way!

And what do they supply us with? Wisdom? Bah! I laugh at that. I mock the very idea. It is knowledge, not wisdom that makes a man supreme. And knowledge accumulated over the decades cannot compare to a doctorate from an accredited university!

Indeed, the elderly supply us nothing. They shamble about, desperate for attention. Demanding that we help them across the street and give up the good seats on the bus. But that is not the worst of what they take. For our healthcare system is being crushed under the weight of caring for these "elders."

As a licensed medical professional I suggest the following remedy: every man or woman over the age of sixty-five shall be summarily put to death. The money saved shall be used to supply able-bodied citizens with magnetism-related therapy.

It will be a glorious golden age!

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3 Comments:

At 10:47 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

But Doctor Polaris! Old people do serve a function! Little old ladies can COOK! They makes deicious treats like fudge, and gingersnaps, and those fruit bun things with the cherries and whipped cream, and rice pudding and turkey!

Old men can sit on front porches and shake their canes at the marauding teenagers. And usually they are all in bed by 8:00 anyway.

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Oh, by the way, Diamondrock, you've been tagged!

 
At 11:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

But...
Doc, you, being in your 20s in the 60s, ARE older than 65.

Surely you meant to write in an exeption for yourself?

 

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