Not a Good Idea

So it seems that in Marvel's Civil War Spider-Man has revealed himself to be pathetic loser Peter Parker! I was completely shocked. But I have to wonder if this is really a good idea for Spider-Man. Or any of those other fools at Marvel.

You see, revealing your identity to the world rarely ends well. Unless you're a swingin' villain like myself. Then it just leads to mobs of howling female fans.

But I digress. The point is this: you're gonna get your ass killed, Parker. Or even worse, the asses of your loved ones. Back when I was still in "the game," If I'd known that Green Lantern was really my old friend Hal Jordan I would have swifty killed his brothers, his girlfriend, and his mechanic confidante.

Of course, things may be different over in the Marvel Universe. After all, some of their "villains" were already well aware of Spider-Man's identity. And like the impotent fools they are, they fail to make use of the knowledge.

But it doesn't work that way in my world. After all, have you ever heard of Captain Extraordinary? Of course not. That's because Doctor Domino figured out his secret identity.