Some Advice For My Nephew

Oh, my poor pathetic nephew. Grant, Grant, Grant. It pains me to see that you have grown up to be such a misfit. Perhaps I should have visited more when you were a child. Perhaps you would have turned out better with a little magnetism in your life.

It is clear to me that you know nothing about women. Now pull up a chair and allow your dear Uncle Polaris to smack some sense into you with a steel girder. Your attempts to impress women are appalling and juvenile. It is not one's handsome face that impresses women... It is the content of your character and the way you treat them.

Behold: Doctor Polaris, Master of Magnetism. Do I woo lovely ladies with my handsome face revealed? I do not. That is a Jordan tactic. Rather, I wear a villainous helm to hide my face, thus preserving an air of mystery while I employ my magnetic charm. It has proven most effective.

I thought you got it, Grant. After my colleague Zoom brutally disfigured your face you took to hiding your appearance. You were projecting an air of intrigue. But did you take advantage of it? No, you moped about like the pathetic nephew that you are.

I predict that you will have no more success now than you did before an ancient space god restored your face. It is far more likely that you will fail. Just like you fail in all your childish pursuits.

You really need to grow up, Grant.