Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Swift and Terrible

While perusing the Internet earlier this evening I came upon an interesting website. It seems that some organization called "IGN" has compiled a list of the Top 100 Comic Book Villains of All Time.

I immediately delved in, eager to find out where Doctor Polaris, Master of Magnetism fit in. I grew increasingly intrigued as each decade of the list passed without my name to be found. It could only mean that my final position was that much higher.

In retrospect I should have seen the warning signs. Misidentifying Bane's current team as the "Sinister Six" and incorrectly calculating Vandal Savage's villainous career by some 36,000 years are not the actions of the brightest stars in the firmament.

And yet, when I reached #2 on the list I was filled with anticipation. That esteemed position was held by Batman's nemesis The Joker. And if he is to be consigned to the second position then only Doctor Polars could possibly hold the the #1 position. After all, there were no remaining villains worth their salt. None with name recognition and staying power that hadn't yet be mentioned.

I eagerly clicked, ready to bask in the adoration of "IGN" and the Internet masses as a whole. But when I saw the face beneath the "1" I began to tremble with rage. I was not #1. Who was?


That pathetic, conceited coxcomb had usurped a position that was rightfully mine! And to add insult to injury his theft of the first spot meant that I hadn't made the list at all!

Clearly the staffers at "IGN" are empty headed, semi-literate Marvel zombies. But that will not save them from my wrath. It will be swift and terrible. Doctor Polaris will not be insulted.



At 11:47 AM, Blogger CalvinPitt said...

Well that's certainly a bummer. You shouldn't sweat it though, Doctor. All the people who are actually in the know recognize your greatness.

Personally, I'd rather not see Magneto on a villains list at all, though I guess his track record would require inclusion somewhere (I certainly don't think I'd have put nearly that high). But I'm nostalgic for when he was making a go of leading the X-Men and teaching the New Mutants back in the '80s.

At 8:32 PM, Blogger SallyP said...

"Pathetic, conceited coxcomb" just about sums it up. You have SUCH a way with words.

At 7:21 PM, Blogger Derek said...

But Magneto has such incredible powers! And an awesome helmet! And...


... I'll just see myself out...

At 11:29 PM, Blogger Doctor Polaris said...

I'll just see myself out...

See that you do.

At 5:55 PM, Blogger Scipio said...

I recommend the Death of a Thousand Iron Filings...!


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