Monday, November 27, 2006

A Battle of Wits

I think someone's out to get me. I'm not sure who it is -- though I'm pretty sure it is a supervillain.

I Was watching a CSI rerun last night when I heard a noise outside my window. That in and of itself is not an uncommon occurence (especially considering the kind of neighborhood I live in). But there was something particularly... Sinister about this noise.

Grabbing my gear I quickly prepared myself for battle. I leap back onto the couch and then burst through the window to the street below, shattering the glass and striking a pose which I'm sure would have made an excellent splash page.

Nimbly touching down I discovered something... Sinister rifling through the garbage. I activated my flaming gauntlets and in the light of their cleansing fires I saw it:

A raccoon.

A supervillain, no. But a villain no less. The creature had overturned the garbage can, spilling the contents all about. I had to spend about twenty minutes picking it up and I missed the end of the show. (And I'm pretty sure I lost my security deposit over that window, too...)

But that wasn't the end of the story. After I cleaned the gunk off my gauntlets and returned to TV room I heard another crash! I again rushed to the scene (this time I took the stairs) and discovered that the cans had been knocked over again.

Once, I could attribute it to a raccoon working alone. But it doesn't take the World's Greatest Detective to realize that twice is more than simply an isolated incident. It's an attack.

Someone's out to get me. And I'm going to find out who.

5 Comments:

At 1:33 PM, Blogger LurkerWithout said...

An epic battle between Azrael and some racoons. I think we all know how this will go down. Unless teh racoons are drunk maybe?

 
At 4:27 PM, Blogger CalvinPitt said...

The second one was probably an oppossum. They're a bit slower than racoons.

If it does turn out to be opossums, I can give my mom a call. She's can be vicious towards them if you give her a blunt instument.

 
At 6:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Anti-Monitor. Out to kill Cass Cain for good.

 
At 10:35 PM, Blogger Scipio said...

Racoon Girl.

Squirrel Girl's white trash cousin.

 
At 6:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'm not sure who it is -- though I'm pretty sure it is a supervillain."

It's worse than that. If critters are messing with you, it implies that your life is now being plotted by Keith Giffen, which in turn implies that you're being attacked at the editorial level. Prognosis: doomed.

 

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