Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Greatest Rivalry of Any Century

They began as friends. Allies. They were united in a common cause. They sought to change the world. But as so often happens, they began to drift apart. Different ideologies, different methods... They could not stay friends forever. And when they finally clashed... It was a clash of titans.

Do I speak of The Dark Knight Returns' Superman vs. Batman? Civil War's Captain America vs. Iron Man? No my friends... I speak of the greatest showdown in comic history:

HITLER VS. STALIN

It doesn't matter how I came upon it... What matters is that I have read it. And now I bring it before you.

It begins as all great stories do: with Adolf Hitler engaging in forbidden occult magics. But suddenly... An explosion! Nazi Stormtroopers fall left and right. Some mighty force has invaded Hitler's compound... But who could it be?

Yes, it is Joseph Stalin. Endowned with his mystic Marshal's Baton ("It is the personification of unbending willpower for victory of the multinational Soviet people!"), Stalin and Hitler clash.

Hitler quickly gains the upper hand, but it cannot last. For Stalin remembers the lessons taught to him by his teacher, Lenin. With "the laws of historic inevitability" on his side, Stalin cannot lose.

Ignoring Hitler's pleas, Stalin is prepared to bring an end to the battle and deliver his coup de grace. But Hitler has one more trick up his sleeve:

A super-powered zombie Frankenstein's monster stictched together from the bodies of fallen SS troopers and animated with magic.

Hitler takes the moment to escape, and his zombie super-soldier takes Stalin to task...

And fails.

Hand to hand combat is joined, and the result is... Decisive.

Meanwhile, Hitler prepares to flee to his hidden refuge in South America. Launching his "Weapon of Revenge" he attempts to destroy Stalin. He succeeds... Or does he?

The cataclysmic energies released, Hitler and Stalin are both destroyed. But it is not their final meeting. As Hitler awaits his entry into Valhalla, the specter of Stalin visits him one final time... Shattering Hitler's hope of immortality.

And so, confined to the pits of hell, Hitler's reign of terror is brought to an end. But what of Stalin?

That, we may never know.

3 Comments:

At 11:12 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Where on earth did you find THIS? Amazing...and they seemed so perfect for each other.

 
At 11:18 AM, Blogger CalvinPitt said...

Awesome. The only thing it's missing is FDR in a wheelchair that turns into a Gundam.

What, too soon?

I'm a little surprised Stalin, given that his rule was marked by a serious crackdown on religion, would resort to mysticism.

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger The Fortress Keeper said...

Stalin probably faded into ether, since all good Communists know that religion is the opiate of the masses.

 

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