Commentary, Reviews, and Insanity
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
The Importance of Accessorizing
It is no secret that I am a very well dressed man. You have all heard the story about how I kidnapped a brilliant tailor's family (he was Italian!) and forced him to make my cape for me. It is one of the finest capes in any century. So you see that I take great pride in my appearance.
And so I am ashamed to see that many of the DC Universe's newest residents do not. There was once a time when you could count on Superheroes and Supervillains to look sharp while they fought each other. For decades this has been the status quo. But at some point everything changed. I do not know when it began. Perhaps it was when Superboy decided that a t-shirt was suitable attire. I am glad he's dead.
But regardless of when it began, it continues. Let us look at a three of the fashion disasters that have premiered this year in the DCU.
I do not know where to begin in discussing the hideousness of the new Blue Beetle's outfit. So many shapes! So few colors! What is wrong with that boy?
I know his costume is supposed to be "themed." "Blue Beetle" and all that. But that doesn't mean he needs to take it to extremes. I mean, you don't see me wearing a big magnet on my chest anymore, do you? No, you do not.
The costume is just too busy. Squiggly lines and crazy pinchers and claws everywhere. It gives me nightmares just thinking about it. The most important thing a person should learn in designing a superhero costume is simplicity.
But the worst things are those weird-ass flat fingertips. What's up with that?
Second fashion offender: Supernova (take note that the image you see here is not colored correctly; He at least figured that out). He's got the cape right (something too few people do these days) but he seems to be having trouble with just about everything else.
What's that on his forehead? Does it mean anything? Hell if I know. And take note of the insignia on his chest. The thing runs all the way down to his crotch! What exactly is Supernova trying to advertise here? And those boots just don't go high enough.
But Supernova is working out of Metropolis, so he'll probably be cut some slack. They don't seem to care what their guys wear...
Ah, and here we have our worst fashion offender. As a supposed "socialite" (how many people have I met at parties who claimed to be "socialites"? Ha!) she really should know better.
First off: color scheme. It should be common knowledge that if you have red hair, you you don't wear bright red. Honestly, it makes her look cheap. Really cheap. And she's supposed to be really rich, right?
But her biggest problem is the boots. Ladies in the audience: how stupid is she for trying to fight crime in heels? Supervillainesses can handle it; they need to look as imposing as they are sexy (plus they do a lot of floating). But you can't honestly expect me to believe that she can handle jumping from rooftop to rooftop in those things. I cringe just thinking about it.
In closing, their costumes all suck. Go back to fashion school, losers. Take some tips from guys like me. And guys like Lex Luthor. That man always knows how to dress.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Who is That
Okay, so I glanced through the most recent issue of Supergirl. (there ain't no way I'm payin' for that!)
What the bloody hell do they think they're doing? Could this character be any more unlikable. I just want to get me a Luthor Supersuit and start wailing on her. I mean, c'mon. That "tight t-shirt" remark? The smoking? And Captain Boomerang?
I long for the days when Supergirl had a complicated backstory involving angels and shapeshifting aliens. At least then she was nice. I think sacrificing a likable character for the sake of a succinct backstory was a huge mistake.
Hell, go back even further. To the real Kara Zor-El. The original. She was cute and sweet. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that female characters must be cute and sweet. Power Girl certainly isn't (and I love her).
What I'm really saying is that Supergirl should be a comic that you'd be able to give to a young girl and have her both enjoy it and maybe learn a few lessons about being a good person.
If girls started taking lessons from this Supergirl, they'd be tieing up their shirts, smoking, and dating the sons of supervillains. Not a winning combonation.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Just the Messenger
Well, it seems as though my current housemate will be with me for awhile longer.
As you all know, the owner of this blog is a big fan of the real Cassandra Cain (and she appreciates it, D-Rock, she really does). And you are all aware that not long after the appearance of her evil clone/alternate reality counterpart/robot duplicate in Robin a few months back Cassie came to stay with me.
Because you-know-who wouldn't return her calls.
Anyway, she's been very bummed out about all this news about "her." Sure, she can't read comics, but she does look at the pictures. And what she's seen is not good. In that spirit, she has asked me to pass along a message.
The message is to Dan DiDio, Geoff Johns, et al. Cassandra is very disappointed in you. She's not angry any more (and she's all cried out). Now it's just sort of a stilted, sad disappointment. As if she knows that you guys could do better. And I think she truly believes that. In fact, she really has hope that someday someone will realize that there's an evil clone/alternate reality counterpart/robot duplicate running around and fix the problem.
But but that hope doesn't extend into the immediate future...
Friday, August 25, 2006
Oh, you will suffer. Make no mistake. Because Brad Meltzer's writing Justice League of America. And I'm not in it.
I've made not secret of my distaste for Mr. Meltzer. He who fired the first shot (Identity Crisis) which led to my demise (Infinite Crisis). And I know for a fact that I'm not the shadowy mastermind behind the scenes of Justice League of America #1.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I won't be in the series at all. Ever. And that bothers me. A lot. Because while they're out there illogically turning popular heroines into supervillains, they're also ignoring the true villains of the DCU Universe. Men like Doctor Domino. Black Manta. Captain Cold. And of course, me.
So write letters, my loyal readers. Send your demands to men such as DiDio. They must be made to see reason. No matter the cost.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
The Red Tornado Show
I know that a lot of people were concerned about Red Tornado playing a big role in Brad Meltzer's new Justice League of America. I wasn't one of them. I love Red Tornado. He looks cool, has interesting powers, and gets blown up a lot. What more could a person want with him?
Apparently Brad Meltzer thought there was a lot more. Red Tornado takes up the bulk of Justice League of America #1. And though I'm torn, I'm not completely sure it was a good idea.
To avoid spoilers, I'll just say that something happens to Red Tornado. It's an intriguing twist I wasn't expecting, but it seriously hinders one of the three things I mentioned above. My favorite one, incidentally. I'll leave you to guess which one it is.
Though I'm wary of where things are going, I'm also very much intrigued. And when I recall how slowly Identity Crisis seemed to move at times, I'm more than willing to stick around and see how things turn out.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
There's a reason why John Ostrander is considered one of comics' great writers. His runs on The Spectre and Suicide Squad are nigh legendary. They are examples of some of the best of what comics can offer. To that list of Ostrander's great works I would add a lesser known series: 1997's twelve part saga of Truth, Justice, & the American West.
I'm speaking of The Kents.
The Kents isn't like most books Ostrander's written. And it's not like most of the books DC puts out, either. Maybe it's the historian in me, but I found The Kents' exploration of the most tumultuous time in American history to be something very special.
As the name implies The Kents chronicles a pivotal period in the history of the most important family in the DCU. That, in and of itself, is pretty remarkable. The ethos of the Kent family shaped Kal-El of Krypton into Superman. And that ethos was forged on the plains of "Bleeding Kansas," into the Civil War, and beyond.
Silas Kent is a wealthy Boston printer. But he gives up his family, his security, and ultimately his life for a cause so much greater than himself. A staunch abolitionist, Silas Kent and his sons fight to free millions from the chains of slavery. But he falls to the bullet of a coward and one son -- Nathaniel Kent -- must take up the cause.
And Nathaniel -- who bears a striking similarity to another famous Kent -- struggles through the horrors of the Civil War. In doing so, he suffers heartbreak, betrayal, and discovers that the adage "brother against brother" is all too real.
But despite all the odds, Nathaniel Kent changes the face of Kansas -- and America -- for the better. He lays the groundwork for the moral center that will guide generations of Kents to come.
Some have said that the only one to hold the line until the Golden Age of Heroes was Jonah Hex. But when there was Jonah Hex, there were also The Kents. Without heat vision or super strength, they fought against the greatest evil of American history. They fought for Truth, Justice, and a Better American Way. They fought and won. And like so many real extraordinary ordinary heroes, they changed the world.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Beginning of the End
Well, I'm going to come right out and say it: I think I'm actually back.
And not back in a whimsical way wherein I disappear again for days on end. Back as in I'm going to start talking about comics again. I'll begin with the biggest comic event of the year to actually arrive on schedule (cheap shot, I know; I'm getting my groove back). I speak, of course, of 52.
Now let me say right off the bat that I am enjoying 52. I'm enjoying it quite a bit. The building mystery has me intrigued, and I'm finding that many of the characters are clicking with me on an interesting level. The odd thing is that it's none of the characters I'm really supposed to be interested in.
What I mean is that the Question's story isn't catching me. Though some of that could be the fact that he's spending all his time with Montoya, who I can't stand. Steel's story isn't working well either (why did they have to give him powers?) and Ralph Dibny's just nuts. And despite all the hype, Batwoman continues to bore me.
So who am I interested in? Well, I love the crazy Magnus & Morrow duo. Those guys are fantastic. You never know what they'll do next. And then there's Supernova. Even if he's barely done anything I get the same feeling that Clark Kent does: he's the real deal.
But despite the fact that some of the stories within 52 bore me, I'm still loving the series. Because it's really true that these stories can't work on their own. They're intertwined, and are building up to something. Already it looks like three of the main characters are having their stories come together into one. Before long we'll probably see a further convergence. I wouldn't be at all surprised if all the stories came together before the end.
And if they do, that'll be one hell of a trip.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
This is Me, Freaking Out.
Forgive me for two things. First, the fact that I haven't been posting. Work is still being a pain. Secondly, forgive me for the fact that I'm about to make a lot of nasty, angry remarks. Know that these are driven by a deep and abiding pain.
So what the hell is up with this Titans East bullshit? Seriously? I'm starting to get really pissed off. I know, I know. Everybody else is over the raping of Cassandra Cain's character, but I'm not. From this week's DC Nation:
Pulled together by shared evil intentions are former heroes Batgirl...
Ah, screw it. I don't even need to mention anything more. I was actually starting to believe that my favorite writer might not continue the destruction of my favorite character. And yes, I know I'm overreacting, but that's what I do. I overreact. It's a part of my personality. I'm sure some people might find that charming. I'd like to meet them some day.
And the worst part is the fact that this Titans East is being put together by Deathstroke. Am I the only one who is starting to get damn sick and tired of that guy? And will someone explain to my why Deathstroke's daughter is a good guy, while Batgirl is now a bad guy working for Deathstroke? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY GOD DAMN SENSE.
And explain to my why Robin was willing to overlook the evil actions that Ravager did in the past, but hasn't made even the tiniest bit of effort to find out why the hell Cassandra Cain is acting so incredibly out of character. Why is he so eager to write her off as a lost cause? Tim Drake has never given up on anybody. I just DON'T UNDERSTAND why he's doing it now.
It's like the rules of logic are being thrown out the window for the character of Cassandra Cain. And to be honest, I'm not feeling much confidence that Geoff Johns is going to do anything to fix the problem. And that pains me. Because this is the man who fixed Hal Jordan and helped bring the Justice Society back into the modern world. Why is he helping them destroy Cassie?
Again, I know I'm overreacting and being overly harsh. I shouldn't be judging this before I've read it. But that's just the way I am.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Well, it seems that Cassandra Cain might be getting a "stay of execution" of sorts. Though it's hard to say what the results may actually be.
All we know so far is that Cassie will be a member of the mysterious "Titans East" that Geoff Johns is introducting in the pages of Teen Titans. But it's tricky, as the only other known member of the team is Bart Allen's old nemesis Inertia. He wasn't very nice.
So it seems that "Titans East" is composed of misfits and former villains. Does this mean Cassie is officially a former villain? Or just someone who is operating outside the accepted code of the majority of the superhero community?
Regardless, it seems that she's not going to be a full on hero. But that's at least better than her being a villain through and through...
Monday, August 07, 2006
I Do Not Suffer Fools Lightly
Everybody and their brother is getting a miniseries these days. Old forgotten space characters. Enigmatic magical characters. Even villains like myself. And I want in.
But I fear that that will not come to pass.
Why has the company of which I have so long been a part turned its back on me? I have worked hard for DC over the years. But they will not give me what I rightfully deserve. I fear -- yes, I do fear -- that DC is afraid.
They are afraid of what I could do if were truly let loose. If a writer with enough chops took control of my villainous escapades. I control one of the primal forces of the universe! I am all powerful! And if Terra and OMAC can have their own miniseries, then dammit, so should I.
Did they refuse because of Magneto? Have they allow themselves to be intimidated by my younger, less stylish Marvel counterpart? If so, then they are weaker than I imagined.
Fools! I demand a miniseries starring me, a scantily clad brunette, and a talking gorilla. These terms are non-negotiable. Make it happen. Or suffer the consequences.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Dear God, What Have I Done?
Well. I've been gone from the "blog scene" for a looong time. This, unfortunately, was unavoidable. Seeing as my job provides my only means of actually purchasing comics it has to come first. And the damn thing has been killing me.
Now, if there's anybody still reading this thing, allow me to present you with
A TOTALLY CRAZY THEORY ABOUT 52: WEEK 13.
In that episode, we were introduced to really creepy straw Sue Dibny. Seeing as we know that the Cult of Connor turns out to be a hoax, and inferring that "Devem" is actually Dev-Em, Kryptonian Delinquent, there is only one explanation for really creepy straw Sue Dibny:
You all know as well as I that loopy Kryptonian powers are "in" under the DiDio regime. And you know that known crazy Grant Morrison is taking part in 52. Is it really so much of a stretch?
Mark my words; Super Ventriloquism is the answer.