Monday, April 30, 2007

Apologies to Those Who Care

I'm burnt out.

At least, that's the way I've felt for the past week or so. I just haven't felt the urge or the drive to actually post anything here. But that sort of thing happens from time to time (though I can't say for sure what Azrael and Doctor Polaris are up to; the latter is obviously engaged in something nefarious).

But I'm starting to feel better now. And since today is "National Piss Off the Rest of Asia Day" here in Japan, I've had ample time to rest. And since Thursday and Friday are Japanese holidays of a less offensive nature, I'll be feeling good then too.

So you'll have to wait one more day before I join the chorus calling for Aquaman's return, or before you learn exactly why the decapitation of Lincoln means so much to an Illinoisan. So please, if you're still reading, come back tomorrow.

After all, if Superman can take a year off, I can take a week.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Dreaded Telephony

So I called Mark Shaw last night.

I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to say to the man who's replacing me. But I'd been putting it off for far too long. So I dialed up his number (don't ask me how I got it) and waited for someone to answer.

Someone picked up right away. I knew immediately that it was Mark. He sounded drunk -- or maybe stoned. That's how I always sounded too. Back when I was hopped up on "The System."

So I cautiously explained who I was, and waited for an answer. There was a beat on the other end, and then he spoke:

"I thought you were dead."

Of course, I do get that a lot. I explained that I might have been dead, but that didn't mean I'd hung up my costume and gotten out of the vigilante business. Mark seemed skeptical, but he was willing to talk to me.

So we discussed the Order and all the horrible secrets it harbors. I won't go into any details about the horrible secrets here. Suffice to say they are secrets and they are horrible.

Anyway, we had a good chat, and I'll admit that I felt a lot better afterwards. I dropped hints that I might be interested in meeting the the current Manhunter. Sure, she's older than me, but she's a good-looking masked vigilante with a steady job who sometimes takes justice into her own hands.

And she's single.

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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Aquaman is Better Than You

This is a cold, irrefutable fact. Do you really think you're better than Aquaman? Are the following true for you?
  • You can threaten ageless sea deities of unfathomable power -- with a smile!
  • You nonchalantly brush off the fact that you're about to become "the vessel of power strange, ancient, and terrible."
  • You don't just look good in orange and green -- you look damn good.
  • You can handle the bones of you own severed hand without getting even a little squeamish.
  • You are "Best Friends Forever" with the one and only Martian Manhunter.
  • You routinely raise sunken cities from the depths of the sea through sheer force of will.
  • You "will not... Fail."
Is all of that true? If not, Aquaman is better than you.

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007


I was perusing the DC solicits earlier today (as I do every month). Pretty standard stuff. But there was something that caught my eye. Specificially, the solicitation for a trade paperback titled TANGENT COMICS VOL. 1.

Most of you know that Tangent Comics -- as conceived by Dan Jurgens -- was a DC "fifth week" event that first ran in 1997 (and returned again in 1998). Tangent Comics took familiar DC names (The Flash, Green Lantern, etc.) and radically reimagined the characters. In almost every case the reimagined character bore no resemblance to the original apart from the name.

The characters of the Tangent Universe showed up briefly in Infinite Crisis, where we learned that they were just another universe within the greater Multiverse. More importantly, a few of the Tangent characters made an appearance in Ion. There, the Tangent Green Lantern tried to resurrect her fallen comrades -- under red skies.

So the Tangent characters have been popping up in a few places. But are those few appearances enough to warrant a Tangent Comics collection? Or does the solicitation of that particular trade paperback portent something more? I think you know what I'm going to say.

In an interview with Ron Marz after the release of Ion #10, Mr. Marz talks about the inclusion of the Tangent characters. He is very cryptic, but what is clear is that their appearance -- as well as the appearances of the Bleed and Captain Atom (in Monarch guise, natch) -- are part of the bigger event that DC has brewing.

So when July rolls around, keep your eyes open. Because I think we'll be seeing more of the Tangent characters. And I know they won't be alone...

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Monday, April 16, 2007

Where is He?

Where is Black Adam?

Of course, in once sense we know exactly where he is. He's tearing up the pages of 52, and he's about to start World War III. But we all know that that was a year ago. Where's he been since?

I'm sure we'll be finding out. There's no question of that. But I like to speculate now. So what do we know now?

We know that Black Adam has committed a terrible crime. He slaughtered an entire country -- killing millions. We know that he did/will start a World War, most assuredly killing thousands -- if not millions -- more. So the easy answer would be: he's dead.

But that's too easy. If there's one thing I've learned about Geoff Johns it's that her rarely ever kills characters he likes (unless there are legal issues involved). And Geoff Johns has made very clear that he likes Black Adam. A lot.

Plus, there have been whisperings of a possible Black Adam series (or mini-series) following the end of 52. So where exactly is Black Adam?

I think the answer came in a brief "throwaway" like in an earlier issue of 52 (noting, of course, that nothing in 52 is a throwaway). During a confrontation between Captain Marvel and Black Adam, Marvel briefly mentions that Black Adam needs to tone it down or some such. And if he doesn't, he'll imprison him in the "Rock of Finality."

As far as I'm aware, that's the first (and only time) such a Rock has been mentioned. My guess is that Black Adam is there, serving a penance for his crimes. Whether he is there willingly or not, I cannot say.

But I do know this: he won't stay there for long. Finality ain't forever, after all...

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Saturday, April 14, 2007

Not the Best Decision

Somebody, please. Remind me again: why did they decide to take Hawkman out of play for an entire year? Can anybody give me the logic behind that?

I mean, sure... Property destruction went down during his absence. Not nearly as many chairs, tables, and courtrooms were trashed. But was it worth it? After all, there was also a signfificant drop in the number of villains who had their heads smashed into things. Or things smashed into their heads.

And is that really the sort of "Brave New World" we'd want our children living in? A world where Hawkman doesn't bust people up with slick medieval weaponry? I know it's the not the kind of world I'd want to raise kids in.

Thankfully, that nightmare seems to be at its end. Hawkman is back again (he always comes back) and has renewed his skull smashing. Sure, we might lose some furniture. And more than a few windows. But didn't a great man once say:

"Hawkman wrecking shit up is the price we pay for a civilized society."

I'm pretty sure somebody said that.


Thursday, April 12, 2007

I'm a Broken Record

More hints to the coming events coming fast and furious this week. Over at Newsarama Ethan Van Sciver talks about the Sinestro Corps. Along with that come hints that the said team of yellow ring-wielding maniacs will play an important role in in whatever DC's next event will be. That's part one.

Part two, of course, comes in this week's issue of Green Lantern Corps. Another ship of Qwardians -- exiled to the Matter Universe -- has been discovered. They were destroyed by yellow rings.

To me, this seems quite odd. It is a fact that the yellow ring Sinestro wields was originally manufactured for him by the Weaponers of Qward. And yet, here he is, driving them out of their home universe. At the behest of others, no doubt.

Someone has set up shop on Qward, and replaced the Weaponers as the Anti-Matter equivalent of the Guardians of the Universe. Whoever they are, they have power in spades. They are strong, dedicated to their cause, and in some way connected to the fear entity called Parallax.

Whoever they are, they're going to be huge. And they're going to be right at the center of whatever DC's got planned. Count on it.

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

This is Getting Out of Hand

Wow. I go away for about a week (my family was visiting from the States) and suddenly the blog goes all confrontational. It appears that Doctor Polaris had gotten into a bit of a spat with 52's Doctor Tyme. This can't possibly end well.

In other news, new comics tomorrow! Which hopefully means actual posting from me on comic related topics! I can't wait!

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Re: Your Foolishness

Yesterday's post touched a nerve among certain foolish fools. I make no apologies! You will get none from me, Tyme.

But I do demand that you apologize to me. The MD on one wall of my (villainous) study compliments the PhD on the other quite nicely. And yet you had the nerve to not only steal fifty-two of my precious seconds, but also to disparage the degrees that I earned through legitimate study, scholarship, and years of medical school. (note to students: crime does pay... off student loans!)

And yet you, Tyme, have so far displayed no proof that you have either a medical degree or a doctorate in the finer sciences. Can you even prove you graduated from college?

Mark my words, Tyme. Should you choose to pursue this feud, the consequences will be dire. I am not a patient man. Nor am a merciful man. You have been warned. Again.


Monday, April 09, 2007

I Shall Have My Revenge

Why do you not return my calls, Chang Tzu?

When it became known to me that you were populating a sinister island with the greatest minds in scientific evil I knew that you would want me. I am the man who has engineered thousands of magnetic-related crimes. I am the man who through sheer force of intellect granted himself astonishing super powers!

And yet, you did not call me. Thinking this to be a simple oversight (my number is unlisted, after all) I immediately called your island. I proceeded to leave a message with one of your Intergang flunkies. Then I left a dozen more. You have yet to respond.

I know that I am no Thomas Oscar Morrow. I am not deluded about my abilities. But I do know that my scientific brilliance dwarfs the likes of "Doctor" Tyme, Baron Bug, and Ira Quimby.

If I do not receive a call in the next seventy-two hours, you will force me to take action. My good friend Half has already agreed to help me if it comes to that. We will use his ship's mighty arsenal to assail your island with doom.

You have been warned.

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Sunday, April 01, 2007

This is the Day

I realize now that I was wrong. Marvel Comics are totally the shiz-nit. I mean, Wolverine? He's so cool! I mean, he's got those claws and the facial hair. Plus, he's a ninja! Or something.

And I'm really glad that they killed Captain America. That guy wasn't cool enough. He didn't angst or complain like the totally roxxor X-Men. How roxxor are the X-Men?? Totally!

Also, I want to see more Rob Liefield artwork. Most characters don't have enough unnecessary pouches on unnecessary belts. Totally!

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