Thursday Night Thinking XXXIII

Sometimes when it comes to Thursday Night Thinking you have to think outside the box. Sometimes you need to think unconventionally:

Check out Kris Straub's Starslip Crisis!

To Sleep...

I'm just not feeling all that great tonight. I want to go to be early, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea. What do you think of that idea, Wild Dog?

Whew... That's all the sanction I need. G'night...

The Next Weekly

Well, Kurt Busiek is going to be leaving Superman in a few months. With a few exceptions, I've really enjoyed the work he's done on the book. He's taken classic stories and ideas from Superman's past and woven them together into genuinely entertaining stories for the modern day.

But I'm not too sad. All signs point to Kurt Busiek being the brains behind DC's next weekly series. And if DC works out the kinks that were in Countdown, I think it'll be a lot of fun. Especially since the rumors say that Superman will be playing a big role. And Busiek on more Superman is always a good think to me.

I have trouble imagining comics now without a DC weekly. So I really hope they keep it up. But this time, I imagine it'll be a lot more like the success of 52. Undoubtedly the story will be self contained and much more focused. If it's true that it's going to be about Batman, Wonder Woman, and Superman, then it'll probably focus only on them.

If we're lucky, it'll have a feel similar to Keith Giffen's Four Horsemen mini. That was a fun story about the Big Three working together -- but each in their own way -- to take down the bad guys. I'd certainly be willing to see more of that.

And take notes, Mr. Busiek: more of Batman slapping Snapper Carr couldn't hurt...

Alternate Possibilities

On the advice of friends I have taken some time off to plot. Revenge, mostly. But I've also been doing some gardening.

My point is this: I needed a break from the workaday world to mull over the fact that I have been replaced. Or at least, it seems that I have been replaced. Some of my closest confidants have come up with another, more disturbing possibility: It was me all along.

It is true that this new, mysterious "Polaris" has a slightly different costume from my own. And that he has disparaged my name. But consider this: I have, in the past, had a penchant for developing dangerous, psychotic, alternate personalities.

Though that's usually a laugh, at the moment I am not amused. For if this is correct, then that means that I am out there without my knowledge committing heinous crimes. And I'm not even conscious to enjoy it.

Therefore I take this personality to task: face me, "Polaris." Any time, anywhere. You may be the one in the pages of JLA... But I'm the one who spent all those years in medical school. So bring it on.

Disappointment

Dan DiDio says there are no plans for me. I guess I should have expected that. I mean, who cares about poor, pathetic Azrael, anyway?

Oh, St. Dumas! Why must I suffer so? What have I done to deserve this? I didn't ask to be a genetically altered brainwashed super-assassin! It's just something I sort of fell into. Though I did choose vigilantism of my own volition...

But it's just not fair... So many characters coming back from the dead... So many people who have been forgotten being given a second chance. But not Azrael... Never Azrael...

My only hope is that it turns out that Dan DiDio is lying. He's done that before. I can only pray to St. Dumas that it turns out that there are brilliant plans for me after all.

I just wish they'd let me in on them...

Gotham Underground #4

A funny thing happened to me as I was reading Gotham Underground #4. I started to really hate Tobias Whale. This is not because he's a sick, twisted criminal. After all, I share my blog with one of those. I hate Tobias Whale because he's trying to clean all the masked villains out of Gotham.

That sounds strange, doesn't it? I mean, that's what Batman's trying to do, right? Well, partly yes and partly... No. Batman's trying to clean all crime out of Gotham, no matter the form it takes. Whale wants to take out only the gimmicky villains... And set himself up in their place.

I know it's wrong, I know it's twisted, but I cannot stand for that. It's those maniacs that make Gotham what it is. They are Gotham far more than Batman could ever be. Batman wouldn't even be there if it weren't for them. His war is unending not because of normal crime... It's unending because of the exceptional villains who dwell in Gotham City.

And now Tobias Whale thinks he can just waltz in and kill them all off. Tobias Whale is not as smart as he thinks he is. He'd better pray that the Joker doesn't come a calling...

Thursday Night Thinking XXXII

Unending! Unceasing! Thursday Night Thinking!

Think... Powerful thoughts!

Style

Okay, so I was checking out the new solicits. The thing that caught me the most? The cover to Salvation Run #6:

Apparently the Joker wears heels. That does not surprise me at all.

Employment Policies

It seems that in the pages of Robin a former ally of you-know-who may be returning from the dead. I should say that it is not me.

But what I will say is that if poor Stephanie Brown is returning from the cold embrace of the grave, I will not begrudge her that. I know the pain of brutal, violent death. And then the indignity of being largely forgotten by those who called you an ally.

Indeed, I hope that Stephanie's return (if that is indeed what is happening) will lead to you-know-who reexamining not only his hiring but his firing practices.

Consider this: my former employer hired Stephanie on as Robin. Then he fired her. She proceeded to start a gang war and then get tortured to death. Recall poor Cassandra Cain, who was cut adrift and then began to speak in tongues (Navajo) and try to kill people. And let us not forget myself. I went crazy, was fired, then went crazy again. And then got shot. Right after I went crazy.

Were these things you-know-who's fault? Perhaps they are. Or perhaps they merely could be. All I'm saying is that I'd like to come back from the dead too.

En Español

Some of the April solicits are up. The coolest thing to me? Blue Beetle #26. Why? Because it's all in Spanish.

I don't think an mainstream American superhero comic has done that before. I mean, done an entire story in a language other than English. Of course, I'm almost certainly wrong about that as someone will no doubt point out.

But the fact remains that it's a very cool thing. Usually you only see languages other than English used to make individual characters seem "ethnic." (See 2006's Bushido debacle for more.

But since almost everything about Blue Beetle has been oh so right since the very beginning, I'm hoping they pull this one off too...

I Need $725 Million

Some of you may have seen this this. It seems that in order to realize my greatest fantasies I must acquire enormous sums of money and unpaid labor.

There is only one way to accomplish that in this modern workaday world: I must become a supervillain. It's the only way to get a giant robot of my very own.

Must... Have... Gundam...

Justice League of America #17

BLASPHEMY! Rage! I'll... I'll destroy them all! Slanderous libel! Libelous slander! To dare say and do such things to tarnish the name of Doctor Polaris!

To have the temerity to make claims as to what I would or would not do. Sentimental? HA! I tried to kill my own pathetic nephew! Fools! You'll all pay!

"Polaris"? I see this fool has neither PhD nor MD. The true Doctor Polaris has both. I am Doctor Polaris.

Thursday Night Thinking XXXI

When it comes to Thursday Night Thinking, the Flash always knows exactly the right thing to think!

Thinkin' Lincoln? There's no better thought!

That Magic Man

So, what do y'all think Black Adam's been up to? I mean, we haven't seen him since the beginning of Countdown. That was what, thirty-seven weeks ago? He has to have been doing something. He's been basically powerless (as he gave all his power to Mary Marvel) the entire time. And I can't see him as the "settling down" type.

My guess is he's used the time for some sort of revenge. I mean, that's what the guy gets off on. Good old fashioned revenge. Of course, he could have been up to almost anything. We won't have a good idea of where his character was headed until the end of the Black Adam miniseries.

And here's the other thing: a couple weeks ago he got those powers back. At least, I assume he did. Mary Marvel chucked them out, and since Eclipso didn't get them I'd imagine they went back to gods for ready access by Adam. Which means he could show up again at any time.

Is there anybody out there who doesn't think he'll show up at some point near the end of Countdown?

The Color of Stupid

Good evening, loyal readers. Allow me to discuss medicine -- a topic with which I am well acquainted.

Consider the following: someone close to you has been grievously injured. Their life is at stake, and the window of opportunity to save that life grows smaller with every passing moment? Who, pray tell, do you call?

Perhaps you might consider enlisting the aid of Doctor Mid-Nite, the world's greatest surgeon. Or dare I suggest Doctor Polaris, a brilliant doctor and the Man Who Mastered Magnetism? These, and many other trained medical professionals would be appropriate choices.

But who does Green Arrow call after his son is shot? Not I, certainly. Not even Dr. Pieter Cross. No, when delicate surgery is at hand Oliver Queen summons Hal Jordan: Clumsiest Man Alive.

The choice is stunning in its idiocy. A young man lies near death, and Green Arrow calls Hal Jordan? The man can't can't fly five feet without hitting an exposed buttress. Why does Queen think he is the appropriate man to be digging around inside his son's chest cavity?

Green is clearly the color of stupid.

Thursday Night Thinking XXX

This is the thirtieth Thursday Night Thinking! To celebrate, a simple thought:

Yeah, that'll do.

History

Last week Scipio talked about how sometimes comics can bleed into your other pastimes. But have you ever had your other pastimes bleed into comics? It happened to me this very day.

I haven't had much to do this week at work, so I've been sitting at my desk doing research for a project of mine set in the Napoleonic Era. I don't have a lot of background in that area of history, but I was lucky enough to receive some fine volumes on it for Christmas from my parents. (Thanks Mom & Dad!)

I completed Charles W. Ingrao's The Habsburg Monarchy 1618-1815 yesterday, I started on David Gates' Warfare in the Nineteenth Century today. Both books have proved immensely valuable for my research (as well as being incredibly entertaining). I finished the relevant Napoleonic sections of the Gates book early in the day, so I decided to move onto the later, less pertinant (if still entertaining) sections.

I was reading the chapter entitled "The American Civil War" when I saw it. Right there on page 146. A name I'd seen before, but never in a history book. The name was Jeb Stuart.

Most of you probably know J. E. B. Stuart as the ghostly Confederate that inhabits Bob Kanigher's immortal creation The Haunted Tank. That's certainly where I've heard the name. But here's the kicker: until today I did not know that Jeb Stuart was a real person.

When I saw his name I immediately sat up straight in my chair. I wasn't sure if I was seeing things or not. I read it again. Then a third time. I checked the context to make sure David Gates wasn't playing a joke. He was not. So I jumped out of my chair, ran to the computer, and put "Jeb Stuart" into Wikipedia. Sure enough, there he is.

Now, before you get all on me about not knowing that Jeb Stuart was real, cut me some slack. My specialty is Japan's Tokugawa Era, for Pete's sake! I mean, how am I supposed to keep track of every Confederate general? Besides, I'm from Illinois -- I'm for the other guys.

My point is that here I was, going blissfully about my day when suddenly the real world goes and injects itself into my favorite hobby. For a non-comics reading person, it would go the other way: they'd be surprised to find that someone had taken Jeb Stuart and turned him into a comic book character. Me? I was surprised to find that he was real first.

Please tell me Jonah Hex is also real.

Countown to BOOM

You know, I'm not completely certain that this whole "multiverse" thing isn't a complete fakeout. In fact, I'm starting to believe that that's exactly what it is.

When they brought the stupid thing back they talked a lot about the infinite possibilities inherent in the concept. That may be so. But what have we really seen happen with the multiverse?

Well, we've got Monarch scouring worlds and slaying dopplegangers left and right. He's conscripting all the rest into his wacky army. And on the other side of things you got Superboy -- excuse me, Superman Prime -- destroying Earths wholesale.

So here's the question I've got... How exactly can you have a multiverse if everybody who lives there has been killed or drafted into a conquering army? How can you have a multiverse if the fifty-two Earths are being destroyed by a maniac one at a time?

No, my friends. I fear that this multiverse we have been granted is merely a stopgap. It is a temporary measure. When the last page turns on Final Crisis there will be one Earth again.

Guess Who I Can't Stand?

Everybody is talking about that Spider-Man story "One More Day." I've heard a bit about it and I've read a bit about it and I've even seen a little bit of it. And though I don't usually talk about such things here, who am I to pass up an opportunity to heap well-deserved scorn upon Marvel?

So here goes: Peter Parker is a selfish jerk. As far as I can tell everything he does in "One More Day" is about him. So Aunt May is dying. Yes, I understand that. But why does Peter want to save her life? Not because of her. It's because of Peter Parker. Peter Parker is unwilling to live without her. He doesn't really think about what she would want.

Think about it... He's standing there, talking to the freakin' devil. If the devil exists, then logically God does as well. I don't know if Aunt May or Peter Parker are particularly religious people. But I'd imagine that Aunt May might be a lot happier up in Heaven with the one guy in comics who hasn't come back from the dead. Just a thought.

But here's the other thing. Someone said to me that Peter Parker's life was pretty crappy. Uh, no. Now he's got his Aunt back, a couple of blonde hotties (presumably) vying for his affections, his best friend's alive, his secret identity is secret, and he doesn't even remember what happened.

So who's getting the shaft here? It's not Spider-Man. Things seem pretty good for him. Then who? That's right, It's Mary Jane. I don't know what's happened to poor Mary Jane, but like the man says... She's getting screwed. She's the one who's lost everything. Spider-Man hasn't made any real sacrifices.

He should be ashamed of himself.

It Begins

Regular posting resumes tomorrow. Be here.